Bloke takes up entire urinal to prevent others from pissing next to him

While it seemed like a standard evening of sinking brews and a cheeky punt with the fellas, the night soon inflicted anxiety over one poor sod.

Jamie, 32, was six pints deep when he realised his old mate wasn’t working.

“After a cutla [sic], I swear the pipeline goes into shutdown,” Jamie said.

“Honest to god there’s no worse feeling than standing at the urinal when nothing’s coming out.”

While a standard urinal normally offers space for three men to take a leak at any one time, Jamie started engaging in a ‘wide stance’ to ensure blokes wouldn’t notice his miserable failure.

But against all odds, the mens door creaked open, and Jamie was greeted with a ‘shuffle over son — good on ya,’ as an old punter continued to nonchalantly burp and grab his wedgie before proceeding to drain his lizard. 

“I swear our legs were touching,” Jamie said.

“Stage fright grew worse at this point.”

Urologist, Dr Hannon, says it’s not uncommon for men to experience these encounters at pubs all over the world.

“It’s an awkward situation because the men experience a concoction of feelings — embarrassment, fear, shame and intimidation,” Dr Hannon said.

“Urinal shame is a topic rarely talked about among communities but ultimately should be treated with utmost priority.”

Jamie says that on exiting the pisser, his mates greeted him in the front bar with a loud smirk.

“Fucking hell mate where you been?” one mate yelled.

“Dropping ya [sic] guts have ya Jamo?” another mate exclaimed.

Jamie says he went along with the banter rather than admitting to his embarrassing feat.

“The fellas always get me with the toilet jokes — especially in front of the missus — but I can never be bothered explaining my situation,” Jamie said.

“It’s a classic stitch-up.”


Featured Image: Jake Harris


 

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