Players from Beaumont United’s B grade, an Adelaide amateur league side, concluded that a member of the opposition is unlikely to be a good bloke on the basis he was wearing brightly-coloured soccer boots.
The opposition player, nicknamed ‘pretty boy’ by his teammates exclusively plays on the left wing and relies on constantly cutting in onto his right as a result of carrying a shocking left boot.
Beaumont United captain, Matt, says the way this bloke slicks his hair awkwardly up and to one side, similar to Gareth Bale circa 2013-14 (his spiky hair era), is just another sign he is unlikely to be trustworthy.
“It’s really hard to like blokes who spend much of their time attempting to emulate Cristiano Ronaldo,” Matt said.
The Beaumont United players first noticed the dubious character when he arrived in a Subaru Impreza pumping Drake, and a full Real Madrid kit almost 30 minutes after the rest of his team.
“Fellas, we’ve got a full kit wanker on our hands,” captain Matt chuckled to his teammates at the arrival of the personality.
During the game, ‘pretty boy’ touched the ball a total of six times — all long-range shots taken from outside the box.
He was also reported to sprint to all sides of the ground whenever his team was awarded a free kick and saw a yellow card following his eighth dive of the match.
The Burnside United players were extremely happy to walk away with a 3-0 win and celebrated their triumph with a pie and milkshake at the local bakery.
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