Slow news day marred by yet another Cassie Sainsbury update

Just as journalists in the newsrooms of Australia’s largest media corporations were twiddling their thumbs over another ordinary day, reports came flying in on the status of alleged drug mule, Cassie Sainsbury.

“Someone came tearing through the office this morning yelling ‘she’s just taken her first mouthful of breakfast — first mouthful of breakfast!’ and everyone frantically started drafting stories,” News Corp junior intern, James said.

“It was like watching a mother run around the living room after hearing her baby’s first words.”

A News Corp chief sub-editor says she made an executive decision to only run six articles on Sainsbury eating breakfast to ensure there was space in the papers to include another memoir from Sainsbury’s childhood and evidence from another acquaintance that she was a troubled unit.

“We need to run at least 10 different stories on the girl in a single day,” the editor said.

“All other news is currently being put aside — it’s in the Australian people’s best interest to know exactly what Cassie is up to.”

The editor says the Colombian drug saga couldn’t have come at a better time.

“It’s perfect timing — we really are blessed,” she said.

“As Schapelle Corby is finally stepping out of the spotlight, we have a new Aussie drug mule to write about.”

Junior trainee, James didn’t understand why the Sainsbury story continues to eclipse other world news.

“I was told to throw the media release about a bombing somewhere in Syria that killed 200 people into the recycling,” he said.

“I turned to the journo next to me — he was publishing a story about how Cassie Sainsbury flipped the bird to a cameraman.”


Featured Image (edited): Matin Deutsch | Getty Images | AFP

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